Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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