I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
