Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize