I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
