Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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