everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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