the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
