I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
