Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
