I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The Olympian is in my bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
