i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is wine microwaveable?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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