so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
