im gay
i know
yea but for you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He shit in the fireplace
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
