so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
