did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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