it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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