Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
