if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
