So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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