I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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