yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
