he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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