I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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