I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize