I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
