i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
