I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's Friday. Sex?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
