the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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