You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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