how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
