i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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