Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
