My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
