I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this is an emotional support booty call
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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