I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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