If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
