God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
two words: eviction party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
