dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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