My sheets look like a crime scene.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Life is so much better after having sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
