I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
