What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
