I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
