what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
