Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
