i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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