Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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