last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
