are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it because I queefed?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
