I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
