found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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