You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
