everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
