So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
