you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize