also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize