My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my shit smells like andre
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
