Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
