Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
