I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
