my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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