I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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