Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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